Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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