Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize