You can't motorboat a personality
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize