I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
