Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he shaved USA in his pubs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
