this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
