no, he came in my armpit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
