They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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