Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
