You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
