Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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