I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
