You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
