I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
