My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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