remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize