i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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