i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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