meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
