you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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