Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize