shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize