Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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