She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
