that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
