What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
