I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
