I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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