went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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