she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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