This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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