Don't make out with my wife yet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
