Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
