The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize