I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
