Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize