: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
