dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
