i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
