is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
