I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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