His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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