I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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