Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
