My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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