I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
