I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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