I accidentally burped into my bong.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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