i would punch a child for taco bell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
