Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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