im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize