My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i think i just lost a toe
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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