Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
