Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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