Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
