RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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