chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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