Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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