Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
