Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize