Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he told me I talked like a deaf person
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
