Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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