Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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