This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
