Dual....:-)
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize