The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
