Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
