I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
