I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
