Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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