I could make wine with my vomit
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
