I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize