Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
