I just made out with a guy for $7.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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