she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
