We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
