Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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