I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
