The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
