he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
