Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
