Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
