I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
