i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
