I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize