do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
