why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
